Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
