there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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