Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
