If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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