I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
