my mouth tastes like poor choices
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
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