that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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