the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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