how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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