Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
