so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
