I need to stop coming to work sober
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
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