we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
