I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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