I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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