true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Randomize
