i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
