I cockslap morals
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
