My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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