If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
