ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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