Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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