im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
