Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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