Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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