all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
