I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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