discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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