i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
