I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
