My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Your topless pictures make me question reality
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
