I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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