Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
We're too hungover to prance.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
