I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
