I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
