I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I've blown a few things in my day
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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