I'm jealous of your bromance
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
