Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
