Sry I called you an 8
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
