Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
two words...techno handjob
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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