i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
