he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize