his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
