he puts the penis in happiness.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
