saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
