she looked like the before picture.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
