So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize
