I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
