i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
