I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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