no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
