if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
