now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
