you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
