Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
