toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
