the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Randomize
