Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
