Don't you send me to vm
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
