I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
