I like to think it a success when the cops are called
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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