Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
