Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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