is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
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