Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
